-We have all been there. We have been having trouble in our relationship and nothing seems to change. We get frustrated and feel hopeless and don’t know what to do.

We make up a lot of reasons for our behaviors, for why things can’t get better in our marriage, why we haven’t done what we said we would do, why they haven’t done what we asked, why they haven’t been able to take the time for our relationship.

The One Thing That Will Help You Get Through Divorce

Divorce is hard. It’s a loss. It’s a loss in many ways, and often times, in ways we do not expect. It’s a loss of a relationship, a friendship, a closeness, of something you once wanted, and a loss of your identity. At least it can certainly feel that way.

That’s why the one thing that will help you get through divorce is clarity.

People find me in many different stages inside their marriages, and at differing stages of attraction. Some clients find me and they are still attracted to their wife but they might be struggling inside their marriage. Even to the point of considering walking away, but they don't find their spouse unattractive. 

James called me today and said that he just opened the door for a conversation with his wife about their marriage. He said he sent a text because they have never been able to communicate much and every time he tries it just does not go well.

He told her that we was not happy and that he wants more. He said he thinks there is more out there and they both deserve to be happy. So he asked her if she was happy. He asked her if she thinks the marriage is salvageable.

If you are here, chances are that you feel like your marriage is not working and you are looking for some answers. I hear from people weekly that tell me their marriage isn’t working and they don’t know what to do to fix it.

Now here is the thing. It may be a bit confusing at first, or make you feel a bit defensive, but hear me out. We only do things because it serves us in some way.

Most people find themselves in this situation when their spouse has noticed a disconnect or distance. They go searching for information and trying to get answers and come up with a plan. The plan is usually be nice, and tell my partner how I am feeling. The problem is that this leaves the other person not knowing what to do.

Trust is a topic that comes up every day with my clients. Usually when we talk about trust in their marriages we’re talking about overcoming lies or infidelity. They usually want to know if they can trust their spouse again. Or they ask “How can I trust her again?”

Many things can keep you stuck from moving forward in your marriage. Especially when you have been struggling for a while and now just no longer know if there is anything you can do to make it better so you can stay or if you finally need to leave the marriage and think about divorce.

I have tried talking to her, ignored the situation, threatened to leave, but nothing changes. I’ve tried to get her to go to counseling, but she won’t go. I have told her what I need until I am blue in the face. Nothing’s ever going to change.

Since no one finds their way to me when their marriage is feeling great, what they're typically up Googling are questions like; will my marriage ever change, how do I fix my marriage, how do I know when it’s over, should I stay or should I go, etc

Sometimes after a divorce or a painful breakup you feel like you can't move on. Maybe you can't get over her and you don’t know why. You keep trying, but nothing seems to work, and you just cannot let go.

WELL, I want to propose three reasons why maybe you can't get over her.

We've all been in relationships where our needs aren't being met and it can be very frustrating. Usually we just can't understand why is it so difficult. We want some simple things like attention and connection. Maybe we want to be appreciated for all that we do, or maybe we want to be desired and feel attractive to our partner.

How is your marriage working for you? If you are here, chances are that you feel like your marriage is not working and you are looking for some answers. I hear from people weekly that tell me their marriage isn’t working and they don’t know what to do to fix it.

The relationship you currently have is a result of your thoughts. A result of what you are putting your attention on daily.

I know, it sounds like that crazy manifesting stuff, but most of the time, whatever we are focusing on is what shows up in our life. Look at your relationship.

Sometimes we expect our partner to know what it is we need. We know what we need. It’s so obvious to us that we just can’t imagine how they don’t know. But the truth is we cannot be frustrated and carry around resentments about our needs not being met if we haven’t expressed to our partners what it is we actually need.

The problems in our marriages don’t happen in an instant, although sometimes it can feel like that. The deepest most damaging problems happen slowly over time:

Women are not the only ones who experience abusive relationships. Many men do too, and you can imagine how difficult it is for them to even wrap their minds around that they would be in an abusive relationship. Yet when we try to define it or decide if we are actually in one, things become a bit less clear.