Telling Other People About Your Marriage

-We have all been there. We have been having trouble in our relationship and nothing seems to change. We get frustrated and feel hopeless and don’t know what to do. We want help and we want it be different so we confide in someone we trust - maybe your mom, your brother, your best friend- someone you are close to.

We do this thinking it is going to help us figure out what to do, but when we tell other people about our relationship, we are essentially asking them for their opinion.

When we tell other people about out problems, and share the intimate details, they are going to form an opinion about our life and our relationship and try to help us. Once we let them in, it is really difficult to keep them out.

If you are struggling in your relationship, look for an expert. Get help from someone who is trained and can guide you. Your friends mean well and want to help you. They want to have your back. But sometimes, that doesn’t help you create the change you want to see in your marriage.

-When you tell other people about your marriage, all they can really do is tell you what they would do if they were in your shoes. This is based upon their perspective, their experience, and their preferences. The problem with this is that this is not their experience, it’s yours. Even though they have some good advice and tell you what to do, it isn’t going to feel like your decision.

When this happens, we end up feeling stuck and not knowing what to do. We keep going over and over the problem in our mind and usually with our friends. It may not sound so bad, it typically ends in frustration for you and your friend.

Think about it- you and your wife keep arguing and have been for years. You keep trying to do all of things she wants and it never changes. This has gone on for a long a time and you talk to your friend about it when it happens. You share all the details, your friend forms an opinion and offers you advice.

Now that you’ve told them, they can’t forget it. It will change their opinion of our spouse and your relationship even if you don’t want it to. So when we keep doing the same things over and over and keep confiding in our friend, that friend is going to end up feeling like we aren’t taking their advice and become frustrated. When that happens, we are left feeling like we have no where to turn.

Telling your friend about your relationship problems really isn’t the answer. You need to find someone trained who can give you the tools you need to navigate the relationship in a better way.

-The space between you and your partner is special. It’s a space that is unlike any other relationship you have and it is best if we treat it that way. When we share the intimate details of our relationship with someone else, we invite them into that space, where they really don’t belong.

Remember, once you share the details and invite someone in, it is going to be hard to change that and they are going to form a new opinion of your spouse and your relationship.

Friends and family mean well, but they aren’t trained. They can only give you their opinion and answer for your situation. So be intentional who you share the story of your relationship with.

Find someone who is trained and can help you find your answer for your life. Not your friend’s answer.

Find someone who can give you the tools you need to make your own decision and feel good about it.

We Do What We Want To Do