Moved Out But Still Don’t Know What To Do?
Moved out but still don’t have the answer?
I have a client who recently decided to do a trial separation and moved out of the house. He leased a place not too far away so he can spend time with the kids, have dinner with them, help with homework, and still assist with managing the household.
Basically, he is living between his new place and his home with his wife and kids.
He thought that moving to the new place would give him the space he needs to make a decision about his marriage saw the separation as a trial divorce .
The problem is that having the new place isn’t enough for him to really be able to make his decision. Neither place really feels like home and he still doesn’t know what to do.
He hasn’t gone “all in” to see if he can make the marriage feel better and create change, and he has not fully committed to living in the new space and really finding out how it feels to be on his own.
He has one foot in the marriage, and one foot out in this new place.
So, he stays stuck in indecision because he is not totally aligned with one decision or the other.
He is so focused on the end result, he cannot see what is 10 feet in font of him.
Essentially, he has changed the way the space around the marriage looks but took the problem with him. Until he can really line up with one choice or the other, he will continue to feel stuck.
Maybe this sounds like you? If so, it’s time to start taking the steps that are right in front of you so you can get an answer for your marriage.
We get so focused on what will happen if we leave our marriage that we cannot see what is right in front of us. We want to be able to see what it is going to be like when we get there, except that we can’t.
Think of it like taking a road trip from NY to CA. That trip is going to take several days. You think you know what is it going to be like when you get there but can’t really see it. There will be times on the trip when it is dark and you can’t really see much further than 10 feet in front of your car. You know you are going to get there even if you can only see that 10 feet right in front of you, and that’s ok. You just keep going in that direction and eventually arrive at your destination.
It is the same with our relationship. We want to know exactly like if we move out, but we can’t. We want to know exactly what it looks like if we really try to fix our marriage, but we can’t. We want to know exactly what it looks like a year from now but we can’t. So nothing much changes. We don’t really try to work on the marriage and we don’t really take the steps to end it either.
The truth is, you cannot be in two places at once.
You have to be willing to leave that idea behind and start looking at what is 10 feet in front of you instead. Start working on what you can see now and what you can do now. You can take it 10 feet at a time and start getting answers for your life and your marriage. You just have to start taking the steps.
Shannon Cyr | The Relationship Coach for Men
therelationshipcoachformen.com
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