The One Thing To Help You Get Through Divorce
The One Thing That Will Help You Get Through Divorce
Divorce is hard. It’s a loss. It’s a loss in many ways, and often times, in ways we do not expect. It’s a loss of a relationship, a friendship, a closeness, of something you once wanted, and a loss of your identity. At least it can certainly feel that way.
It is really difficult to see the life you once had and also see what is coming next. You know your life is moving in some direction but you can’t see where. When that happens, we get worried, we get anxious. Our mind tries to solve the problem for us, except it doesn’t help us.
You are going to lose connections, maybe friends and certainly some money. One of the other things you lose in divorce is your direction for your life and your clarity about your life.
That’s why the one thing that will help you get through divorce is clarity.
When you have clarity, when you have direction, you can see what is really true for you. You can see how the years together were not a waste of time. You can see the good and the gifts that came with the relationship. You can see your successes and you can see how you contributed to the state of the relationship. You are able to be in touch with all your emotions, even when they don’t feel good. You are in control, your heart is clear, your mind is clear, even when it is hard.
When you have this kind of clarity, your next step becomes easier to handle. You can make it through divorce when you focus on one step at a time and have the support you need. The support to help you stay out of worry, fear and overwhelm, and focus on what is right in front on you and on what you can control.
So how can you get that clarity? ( I’ll share that with you in part 2)
First, you have to be able to see your role in the marriage and own it.
When you are willing to see your part in how the relationship got to this point, it gives you back power, peace, and perspective. Although it is easier to blame your spouse, you have to remember, it takes two.
Second, what did you learn?
Just because a marriage isn’t going to last doesn’t mean it failed, it doesn’t mean it was a waste of time, and it doesn’t mean you didn’t get anything from it. We always learn something, and we always get something from any relationship we have. You learn things about yourself and you have memories and experiences from being with this person. You wouldn’t have those without them. So what are the good ones?
Mind your own business.
This is a tough one for sure. We tend to want to understand the other persons choices and behaviors but we can’t really. We want to know why they did or didn’t do something and we can drive ourselves crazy trying to guess at it. The thing is, you have no control over any of that, so focus on what you can control – you! Your choices, actions, thoughts, and behaviors. When you do this, you keep that clear vision of what you can do next and you maintain some power and control of your situation. That will always feel better than second guessing.
Get some help.
You have to take care of you, and even though your family and friends want to be there for you, there is only so much they can handle. Just as you may need an attorney to help you navigate the legal terms, you need someone to help you with your emotional well-being. You want to be able to get that clarity and keep it with you as you move through the difficult process of divorce, and you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t win anything by taking it all on yourself and suffering. You need a guide, just an athlete needs a coach.
When you have real clarity about your relationship and your life, you can see each step as it comes and navigate those in the best way possible. You can leave behind the insecurity, doubt, and overwhelm and move forward in your life on a clear path. It won’t always feel good or be easy, but you will know you have you need to make it to the next step.
Ready for some help? I’m here..
Shannon Cyr | The Relationship Coach for Men
therelationshipcoachformen.com
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